This post is syndicated with my Substack.

Depending on who you ask, people close to me would tell you I’m either an optimist or the darkest person they know, and maybe both. How could that be?

I think at my core, I’m full of hope for humanity, but I keep my hope encased in a very dark bottle. In any case, I thought I would share some of the ways in which I keep a light heart.

Have zero expectations

This is my number one rule and people closest to me will have heard me say it many times. I try to go into any situation with zero expectations. This isn’t always possible, of course. So perhaps it’s more accurate to say, managing expectations is the key. Set them as low as you can.

If you do, then when things turn out better than you expect—you’ll be happy!

This all sounds incredibly pessimistic, and it is. It comes from a dark place of always expecting the worst. I used to, and still do, have a terrible fear of public speaking. Which was a problem because I used to teach and speak at conferences quite a bit. Before any kind of public engagement, I would prepare by trying to anticipate everything that could possibly go wrong.

Then, when most, if not all, of those worst things didn’t happen, even if the talk wasn’t excellent, I felt great. Relief and accomplishment!

This trick works for most all situations, not just public speaking. Meeting new people, going out, trying a new recipe, buying a car, even watching a tv show. Expect nothing or the worst, and be pleasantly surprised.

Meet others where they are

I was astonished to read that some people in the world view other humans as NPCs or extras in their own movie. They aren’t aware the people around them live fully realized lives like they do. Can you imagine?

Well, they do.

Empathy, my friends. Understand that other people are humans and are also dealing with shit. Everyone. Even if it makes little sense to you or seems small. It isn’t for them.

You would want other people to be understanding of your issues, so give the same consideration to others. It just makes sense. Be kind, rewind.

Enjoy the small moments

This sounds hokey, but it’s important. Every day, take some time to slow down and enjoy something, even something small.

Marvel at how the sun glints off the window and makes a rainbow on the floor. Wonder about how the pollen gathers in a pattern on the sidewalk. Laugh at how the dog snores and wakes herself up. Be amazed at the miracle of oxygen exchange in your lungs in a single breath. Allow yourself to be blown away by the way a stream of ones and zeros across a wire are translated into the words you’re reading right now.

Let yourself enjoy something. Even if you’re rushed, even if you’re sad, even if you’re angry. Take a moment for yourself to revel in the beauty of life and be thankful for living.

Stay curious

I was going to put something here like “be resilient”, but I hate that. Mostly because companies use this jargon to mean, “take abuse without complaint”.

Curiosity, though, is wider. It encompass learning, but also something more. If resilience is bending without breaking, curiosity is bending and then wondering why you were forced to bend and reaching out and inspecting that force. Then finding out more about it and perhaps trying to create change.

I think learning is always important. We should be curious and learn and grow to keep our minds active and engaged. Wonder is exciting. It’s that spark that should always be there with the question—why?

Do you still have that? If not, why not? Do you still look at things and wonder how they work? Still question how things are made? If you do, how do you quench that curiosity? How far do you go? Read about it? Watch a video? Talk to an expert? Try it out? Take a class? There are no right or wrong answers here. I’m just curious.

Be kind to yourself

This is more than self care and is perhaps the hardest item on the list for myself.

Every day I’m working on this one, because I’m my own worst enemy. I beat myself up about my own flaws and inadequacies.

But I think it’s important to realize, though we are all complete humans, we will never be finished. Like software, we are all in continuous deployment. Wow, that’s nerdy—but true! You can push updates all the time! Learn something new. Change your stance on an issue. Update your ideology. Read. Grow. Every new experience, every new day, is an opportunity to expand your knowledge, to increase your breadth of understanding.

So if you feel bad about something, feel bad about yourself, or something you did—do something about it. Learn and grow. Why do I feel bad about this or that? What is causing these insecurities? I can find out. Maybe I can’t fix them. I certainly can’t change the past. But I can learn to forgive, I can learn to move on, and I can learn to be a better person.

Realize that no one is perfect. Know and accept that there’s work to be done. Be gentle and give yourself permission to forgive yourself your flaws. You are not finished.

Hydrate

Your kidneys, skin, mood, and mind will thank you. Drink copious amounts of coffee—my kidney doctor tells me that coffee counts as water!